Lots of men are baffled by this article, but not me. I get it. I agree with what she says here. I just think she’s emotionally confused and self-centered. She totally believes this is a woman’s issue because she cannot perceive men who are not betrayers. She has tunnel vision for them, and will accept only a guy who will give her attention, then throws her away. She actively seeks them out, then cries and complains about it.
I was never built that way. I learned long ago that oxytocin has way too powerful an effect on my brain to fuck around with that shit. But I see that a vast portion of women disregard me for my “serious” personality where relationships are concerned.
(Aside: That’s how I’ll put it for now, but there’s definitely more to it. I can see it without necessarily having romantic interest in them. I’ve learned more in the past three years about this than in all my previous years combined, and sex & relationships were totally off the table for me. I would not have had that kind of interaction with anyone for the past several years, very intentionally. That phase may be ending, but very gradually, and slowly. It’s not over yet. I still have one major thing to do.)
So I can see, possibly where others cannot, that these women are purposefully, perhaps unconsciously, seeking out their own emotional turmoil. And they will get it.
And I stay out of all that bullshit. That’s how I see it. I’m very interested in others’ perceptions.
I’ve given this one some thought, and here’s what I’ve come up with so far (feel free to add to or offer insights to the contrary):
My perceptions of the situation are valid. They may be wrong ‘sometimes’ (over-generalizing, for example), but they’re not wrong ‘all the time’. Then I look at myself, and compare myself to the “insincere” type of guy. I am potentially just as dominating, authoritarian, uncompromising, willing to take a leadership role, become violent for a purpose… everything prototypically Alpha masculine, but one personality dimension causes a dichotomy depending on who’s doing the perceiving… I have a strong Loyalty dimension.
Yeah, the phenomenon I described above skews to younger women. They often grow out of it, but I’ve learned it’s far from “always” growing out of it. Many women retain the trait of perceiving male Loyalty as “beta” for a lifetime. The women who do not see it that way tend to be politically and socially conservative, and they usually are married before age 30, often to a military man or police officer. The women who retain that perception tend strongly towards political Leftism.
The Loyalty dimension of personality in men often expresses itself in joining socially responsible organizations of the self-sacrificing type. Like I said, military and police types. But there are gradations, which I won’t bother listing here. But the presence of or lack of this Loyalty dimension is the ONLY personality dimension that is consistent between the ‘insincere’ (possibly sociopathic) types, and the type of man who is wired to throw his body into the axles of a truck to save a child who is not related to him. That scenario is literally impossible for a woman or the “insincere” man; they’re just not evolutionarily wired to do that, but a high proportion of men are.
I realize it comes from millennia of raising boys to sacrifice their lives in war, or hunting, or other dangerous jobs. But if you’re wired that way, you have to face that reality. If you don’t see anything worth sacrificing your life for, you have to adjust to that reality. Also, if you were not raised to cultivate that trait, as was my case, you will have to learn who you are, and what it all means for you, as you mature. It’s the male version of the female-nurturing trait.
I’ve deleted a paragraph in which I went off topic into political stuff. I’ll just end it there… except to add my psychology bona fides: I learned personality theory from the originators at UC-Berkeley. Most of them were older, and probably retired or dead now, except for Dacher Keltner, a California surfer dude professor who has since become an SJW type. No surprise there. I currently follow the teachings of Dr Jordan Peterson, surprisingly from U of Toronto.
For anyone interested in the details of cognitive-personality construction… It relates to the topic because the young woman in the article CHOOSES men that she unconsciously knows will not reciprocate her feelings. She has a need to CONFIRM her feelings of abandonment by choosing men who will abandon her. That’s first-year, maybe second-year stuff. But here’s the grad-level version.
This level of theory usually comes after 4 years of in-depth statistics learning — studies, regression analysis, etc. But there’s no reason a careful reading can’t be informative to anyone. I recommend skimming the postulates and corollaries without reading all the commentary, unless you’re strongly compelled to do so.